What’s better than hearing two pals with pepperoni nipples sit down to talk about a guy pulling his pud on an airplane? Well, I can think of one thing. Imagine having a chance encounter with someone who did you dirty back in the day. Imagine your brain scrambling to place that familiar face as your stomach fills with a sick feeling when you slowly realize who they are, and remember how they did you. This sick feeling is quickly relieved by the giddy realization that shit ain’t exactly working out for them—nope. Sure they were content for a while after they decided to dump your ass like a cold cup of coffee. But, that happiness was fleeting in every sense of the word. Turns out they needed someone in their lives like you to maintain a sane state of equilibrium, and with you out of the picture they bounced around for a while, swinging from dick-to-dick like some kind of slutty Tarzan creature, in a series of relationships, each more destructive than the last. It’s obvious this person’s bad choices have found them sleeping on a futon, slowly developing lower back issues and an eventual pain pill addiction. So now fast-forward to present, and they bump into you and you can see this stuff written all over their face. Imagine for a split second you see this look of quiet contemplation in their eye, and you know what it is. You know they’re imagining how much better their life could have been if they’d just done right by you. Oh, well…too bad so sad. You own your own drywall company now. You have two and a half kids and wife who works at a rec centre, who also knows you like a finger in the butt when you’ve been drinking. So to hell with this dusty old relic and her numb eyes. Doing you dirty was the best thing she ever could have done for you. You should remember to thank her. Also, this week we talk about sex ed.
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Intro Song: “Kingdom in the Clouds”
Written by Adam Boutilier
Performed by Chris Layes and Adam Boutilier
Guitarist: Chris Layes
Clapping: Chris Layes
Outro music: “EHAP Outro 2018”
Created by: Adam Boutilier using Logic Pro.
Assistant to Mr. Depp: Daniel Repholz
This weeks Chris Pick:
One Foot Outta the Grave by Michael Monroe
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